Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
