The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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