Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
