hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
