my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
