I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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