ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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