he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
