My balls are so social today.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
