Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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