Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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