roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my shit smells like andre
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
