Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
