he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
