We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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