When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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