Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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