Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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