Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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