i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
