Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize