so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
