hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
