he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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