she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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