ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
