i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
