So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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