if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
