Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
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She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
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I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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