when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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