after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
