I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize