It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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