Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
