you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think I just sharted jello shots
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