party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
