hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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