I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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