C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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