it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i think i have two assholes
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I wish there were birth control emojis
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
