what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
