shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
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