Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
