My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
