If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
