dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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