Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
