as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
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You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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