I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
high people should be assigned attendants
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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