hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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