watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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