btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
