My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
