i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
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