Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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