i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
