that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
