My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
