I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Randomize
