I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
this is an emotional support booty call
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
