That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize
