I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
